Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
