she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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