then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
