Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the day after is always just damage control
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
