Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
