It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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