My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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