he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
