Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
