Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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