i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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