somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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