the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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