How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
