I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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