Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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