Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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