There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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