I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
