This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
