Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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