Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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