Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
