If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
