dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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