just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
