dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Success! We fucked roommates!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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