i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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