Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
