I'm going to rape someone's good day.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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