come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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