I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
