Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
