My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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