My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
