your parents love me but you hate me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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