I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
