how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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