It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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