she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
