The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
