the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
