Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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