I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
