just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
