The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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