I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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