Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
