i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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