I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
