he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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