My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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