I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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