Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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