I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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