I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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