I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
