i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
