$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
