I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
