I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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