I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
