At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
