I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
