She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Of course I have a pirate flag
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
