did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
