If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
