I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
