oh god the rape fog is back!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
