I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
