Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
