I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
