sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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