Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
