we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
