You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
