Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
