I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
