I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
