Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
