you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
