Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize